Saturday, 3 September 2011

Spring............ and Other Thoughts

OK so I have not blogged for awhile, in fact for almost a year. I have these moments when I want to blog or do whatever and then I hit a low and think why bother, why do anything why live.  I have a constant battle with myself and reminding myself that Chad's life ended on the day Clint's did and I ask myself if that is fair to Chad, because he has to actually live and it is very hard for me, when his life ended, but is still expected to live through everyday.

Now I know blogging is something I do and has nothing to do with Chad, but it does actually, because one day if he reads my blog, then he will know, or hopefully know that he is very important to me and I also love him very much and care about him. I realised that, when I changed my google profile picture to a picture of him and he said "I didn't think you would put a picture of me on your profile". I don't know if he meant a picture of him in general or if it is because it is a picture of him on a quad bike. It is not ideal and is something I am very against, but it is such a cute picture that I have to overlook the fact that he is on a quad. So from that point of view my blogging does involve a normal life for him.

This is probably the wrong time to start blogging again and it will more than likely end again with today's post, because it is September and I HATE September. I used to love September and Spring, in fact I loved August, because I knew Spring was just around the corner.  Now Spring is just the start of a very heartbroken month, because we should be celebrating Clint's birthday and not mourning him.

The air and atmosphere is still the same, with the blossoms on the trees and the smell of the Jasmine, but it just brings sadness and heartache.  Clint loved the smell of Jasmine and he loved Jasmine and The Yesterday Today and Tomorrow plant.  From young he loved those two plants, which is very strange for a little boy, it just goes to prove how special he was.  He was a "boy" boy and very much so, into engines and bikes and fixing things, but saw the beauty in those to plants.  I planted a Jasmine in his garden, a couple actually and the one is creeping way up the Thorn tree and looks so pretty and smells so strong, as you open the sliding door you can smell it.  I should take a photo and post it sometime, before it stops flowering.

So I don't know how long this blogging will last or if it will become dormant again very soon.  In fact I had closed it and I only had access to it, but never went on it and it is still closed, so we will see if I carry on. It is still closed, because I need to fix it up and change it.  In the moment of Spring I decided to spring clean my online profiles.  Not only, not having the energy to spring clean the house, I usually end up throwing away things or giving them to my domestic worker or to charity and then months later needing whatever I threw out, so I decided to not do proper spring cleaning, but to rather spring clean my virtual life.

Well that ended up with a problem to, because I closed the account I used to blog with and with that all my photos disappeared and I closed my photobucket account so my slides disappeared.  My blog template also disappeared when I moved it to this account, so I need to basically start from scratch and reformat everything and also re-post the photos. If my descriptions of each photo were good it won't be a problem, but I doubt that very much. I also want to change things on my blog and put different things on it, so it will be awhile before it is made public and then of course who knows if I ever get it done or if I sink into a very low place again.

So until then enjoy spring!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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