Monday, 17 October 2011

Sunday Morning Croissants

Mark went off to Spar this morning, his favourite shop :) and came back with the most Divine croissants, freshly baked and straight out of the oven. One thing I can say for Palm Court Spar, they know how to make croissants, my favourite pastry. Sometimes you buy croissants and they look delicious but they taste awful. The ones from Spar are so light and fluffy, they almost melt in your mouth. I don't know if all the Spar's are good, but these always are.

Last night I managed to start writing about Clint's birthday, I did it on word though, because I knew I would not get it all done then. After bathing I carried on as I had all these thoughts in my head about the day and wanted to get them all down on paper so to speak, whilst they were still fresh in my mind. I managed until 23h00, but I was so tired I just could not carry on. I felt sick that is how tired I was. I think it was more, because I was emotionally drained from expressing my feelings. Earlier, whilst posting on my blog, Chad was lying next to me on the bed and he was looking at my blog, I was scrolling down to check something and he stopped me and said let me see something and he read through the page headings and said "I see you have Clinton, Animals and he read through the list, then did not say another word.  He was so angry, because I never had a page for him, which I guessed. I explained to him that he is with me every single day, so whatever I post, includes him and he is a part of every page. I showed him his name under categories and it never helped, then to make it worse he scrolled down the page and there was nothing about him in any of the posts, although there are photos of him on the sidebar, there just happened to be no posts which included him and photos of him. He said nothing about it, just criticised everything and I know him so well, I said there is stuff about you in the older posts, well did I get an ear full about that. For the rest of the night he kept saying ugly things to me, insulting me in a joking way, but was actually being serious. His feelings were so hurt and he kept saying he doesn't care that there is nothing about him, but that was just saying, "I do care mommy, I am very hurt". I told him that he confuses me, because he hated it if I wrote anything about him on Face Book or put pictures up of him, so when I thought about the pages I wanted on my blog, I wanted to do a page for him, but decided against it, because he would be angry and tell me to delete it. The response to that was "I don't want a page".  It is so difficult trying to deal with him and Clint's death. For me, Chad is with us all the time. When Clint was alive, I never had a blog, in fact the first time I did a blog, it was about the night of Clint's death, it was to highlight that terrible hospital and the emergency services and the driver that caused the accident, and I use that word very lightly, because it was by no means by accident that he hit into Clint. I just use the word, when I refer to that awful day, because it is easier and Clint had an accident, that bastard did not, what he did was intentional and murderous. So back to Chad, he feels that I don't care about him and love Clint more, I love them both the same, I just don't have Clint here to share everything we do, be it big or small. He is not here with us doing absolutely nothing and he is not here when we go places or do things we did not do when he was alive, things he never experienced before. He never even had the chance to go on an aeroplane. He always said he would not fly, but that is immaterial, he never got the chance to see if he would enjoy it or not. Chad has flown often since Clinty died and those are the things that Chad does not understand, those are the reasons why I have a special page on my blog just for Clint, that's why I use Clint's name or date of birth for passwords. OK, that was stupid telling everyone what my passwords are, so will be changing all of them now to something totally random, neither Chad or Clint's names or birth dates :) Its only my phone password anyway. That is why I have my background photo on my laptop and phone of Clint, that's why I have a slide show of Clint on the top of my blog. None of these things make up for Clint not being with us, not sharing anything with us. Nothing will make up for Clint being dead. I will rather not have him as a screen saver or background picture, if it meant he was alive. I would not have a separate page on my blog for him, if it meant he was not dead. so Chaddy if you ever read this one day, please remember I love you lots and lots and you are my everything and you are my world, you are what keeps me going, you are what makes me smile and laugh and have normal days. However, saying that I think I am going to have to change the layout of my blog and will have more pages to update. Chaddy, Chaddy, Chad!!!

This morning I took photos of the dogs and he said let me guess, they for your stupid blog :D. Well in other news about Chad, Yesterday him and his friend went to a bike and skate park, just off William Nicoll Drive, but it ended up being a water slide and other kind of adventure park, the bike and skate park was across the road, Mark thought it was one big park with everything in one. I think he enjoyed himself, but he said he would have preferred the bike park. They took their bikes with, but had to leave them in the bakkie so Mark could take them home. When he got home he was filthy dirty, badly sunburned and very tired and jumped straight into the shower. I told him to put sunblock on, but he never does and he never wore a cap, so his face his pretty burnt and that is not good.

This is Sunday Lunch, roasting on a rotisserie in the braai, Mark's homemade creation, but very effective and roasts meat so nicely. Not sure why Mark put tinfoil around it today, but he just discovered now, when him and Chad got back from China Town, that it is nowhere ready and has been on the coals since about 10h00 this morning and it is almost 13h30 now. After 3 hours this is what it looks like. So when it is done, we will be having roast lamb, the Proudly South African way, on the braai :) with mint sauce, steamed sweetened pumpkin, basmati rice and gravy, potatoes - half steamed then fried in olive oil, peas and sweet corn and ice cream for dessert, all so good for my cholesterol - not. Mark sometimes puts pineapple rings and onion rings on the roast with tooth picks and it is just so divine, but I guess he is getting lazy these days.

Chad went all the way to China Town to buy this stupid little remote controlled helicopter. He had a much bigger one, which he got for Christmas, but it broke after 10 minutes of flying it in the garden. He should have bought spares for it, but just left it lying in his room all this time and now, because his friend bought one like this, he decided he wanted another one, because the smaller ones are better than the big one he had, so he says.

Oh and he said I could take a photo of it for my blog :D

Have a lovely Sunday!!

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