Thursday, 29 December 2011

The Spiritual Healer

On the 16th of December I went to see a Spiritual Healer - Again. I have been to her before, last year in October (as in 2010 last year). She lives in the Cape, but comes up here often to do readings. I am not posting her name or any links to her website here, because I don't want my life connected to her in anyway, if she does a search or anyone else.

I have been to a few Spiritual Healers and some I have been to more than once. One was a total charlatan, yet she uses a well known radio station and magazine as a reference. How do I know she is definitely a charlatan and not the others? Well I just do!! The whole vibe, plus the things she said and did was convincing enough to know that she is a con-artist. I went there once and left knowing she had just conned me out of a fair amount of money.

Another one I went to was a semi-charlatan. I went there twice, and am not sure about her. She does crossovers at a Spiritual Fayre (not a spelling error) that they have around Gauteng. The reason why I went the second time was because it was during the time of the court case against the person who killed Clint and I really needed to connect with him. The second time I left convinced, that although she is well known in that community, she is not genuine and draws or tries to draw information out of the person and what she said to me had no meaning to my life or Clint's life.

The reason why I go to Spiritual Healers is because I am always searching for answers. I need to know that there is life after death, I need to know that I will see Clint again one day and most of all I need to connect with Clint. I am a very black or white person, there is no grey areas with me. I have to actually see something to believe it. I am like that in everything in life. I don't just like something or dislike something or someone just because someone else says it is good or bad. I have my own opinions, make my own decisions and never follow anything blindly, based on hearsay or someone else's opinion. It can be a good or bad personality trait, but the fact remains it is my personality trait - that is who I am. I get so angry when people say going to Spiritual Healers is wrong or evil. There is nothing evil about Clint, there never was and never will. So trying to connect to him and have some sort of communication with him is far from evil, obsessive or wrong. Anyone who claims to be spiritual and who prays to a spiritual being must also be evil if they believe that trying to connect to someone who is dead is evil. The fact that I am not even sure if there is any truth in Spiritual Healing is besides the point. It is not evil, just like praying to a being that you cannot see or touch or hear is not evil in the eyes of believers. I will respect anyone's belief system as long as they respect mine. If you don't respect mine I won't respect yours - that is how it is. Most of those who say it is evil and wrong live the most immoral lives and then preach about what is right or wrong.

Back to the Spiritual Healer - I am not going to write (type) about everything she said. It is personal and has nothing to do with anyone, strangely it is those very personal things that are very convincing. The stuff about my feelings - my mourning that only I know that convinces me that she is genuine. I was very emotional this time and just cried and cried throughout the session. I don't cry when I go to Spiritual Healers. My voice might fill with emotion, but there are no tears, no sobs nothing and I say very little, mainly nod or stare into space. I try to give very little away. The only other time that I sobbed and cried was the very first time I went to one.

I was scared, nervous, very unemotional and it was 10 months after Clint died that I went. This woman did clairvoyant readings and crossovers. I am not sure of her definition of the difference between the two, but for the crossover you bring a photo of the person you want to connect to. The others you go there and anyone one from "the other side" connects and can be more than one person. So I guess that is the difference with her readings too. I sobbed and cried uncontrollably through out the session. I did not like the woman at all, yet could still not control my emotions. The things she said had no meaning, yet afterwards, some of the things she said had meaning to Clint's life, his friends and my life. She was a very strange woman, not welcoming in anyway and I just did not gel with her. I was trying to find answers and going to her did not help.

The second person I went to and the one that I have been to often, was a lady that Gavin, Mark's business associate/friend told him about, who he believed was very good. I had tried to go to her before, but could not get hold of her. At the time her husband was dying of cancer and then died. After going to the first one, Mark called the other one and went to see her. He told me she was good and told me everything she said and I made an appointment to see her. He now does not believe in going to them, because some of the things she said never happened, the opposite did, but he respects my decisions to go and even pays for the sessions most of the time. Mark is the only person who respects my beliefs, not only about Spiritual Healers, but when it comes to god and religion etc. He has his beliefs and understands why I feel the way the way I do and respects my beliefs and does not try and convince me of his beliefs or try and change the way I feel and everyone should be like that if they want me to respect theirs. Back to her - he told her far too much about is life and what he was doing and planning and as far as I am concerned whether it is true or not, Clint or whoever connected with him can't see into the future and going there is not to find out your future, but to connect to the present.

I went to see this lady and did not tell her how I found out about her. I did not want to tie Mark and I together, because then she would know about my life. I told her nothing, I nodded sometimes or said straight out no, if she said anything that had nothing to do with Clint or my life. I went ice-cold when she told me in detail about Clint's accident and the night at the hospital and apparently Mark said nothing to her about how Clint died or anything about the hospital. I was very convinced......

Then the doubt was back.......... We spoke about everything she said and there were a few things that she could have picked up from what Mark and said. It was very easy to tie us together without me saying anything. Two new clients or whatever they call the people they see and a young boy that died. She said Clint had died three times before actually dying. The first time was when he was flung in the air, but wanted to say good bye to us and came back. How did she know that? From Mark saying his son died in a motorbike accident. He says he didn't, but I am sure he dis. Mark is a man of few words and forgets the details of anything. She said that three people pulled up in a blue car, the people he was waiting for - that was Chad, Mark and I, she knew we had another child from Mark's session. We did get their in a blue car, Mark's blue car, but then Mark pointed out I drove a blue car, she saw it parked outside - she just did not know that coincidentally we had another blue car, which convinced me. My car, because it was a different shade of blue never crossed my mind. Pulling up to where Clint was lying is constantly on my mind, it was then and even now I see it clearly in my mind. are they mind readers???

The other thing that really made me go ice cold was her saying Clint only had one shoe on. Clint's shoe was found by someone, it flew off his foot and so did his gloves. On the road where he was hit, he was flung from the the right hand lane, across two lanes into a fence. His bike landed in the road in the opposite direction to what he was travelling, he hit a fence and landed on the pavement. Behind that fence was a steep incline and there was a road far down below. His shoe landed there and people who lived in that street way down below brought is shoe up. My poor child so badly injured was just worried about where his shoe was, his glasses and his cellphone. That for me was so real - how could she know? Mark never goes into detail about what happened and gets angry and upset when I do, something I did all the time - rehashing every minute and every detail - waiting for the happy ending to the story - but there never will be - that he lived. Then Mark pointed out that it is a fact that in most "accidents" and I use that word very loosely, because they are not accidents- shoes come off the victims/injured. Other people have told me that too - at "accident" scenes, you will almost always find the injured without shoes on. I did not know that - she might have. Clint's glove caught on to the fence that he hit. someone found it there - proper motorbike gloves that clip closed at the wrist.

The third thing that put doubt in my mind, there are lots more, but these are the main ones - there are also lots of things she said that she could not have known about - things that don't cast doubt in my mind, but the three main things are these. A friend at the time, I don't see or speak to her anymore - you know the saying people are in your life for a season or a reason - well she was in my life for a reason and a season. I have mentioned her before - her brother died of cancer at the age of 18. She went to see this woman and then all the doubt came tumbling down like a ton of bricks. When this woman described "T's" brother ( I am not mentioning her name, because of my previous post where I mentioned her) she described Clint. Down to the clothes that he was wearing. The clothes that she said Clint was wearing on the day he died was exactly the same as what he was wearing - I guess most teenage boys where jeans and a T-Shirt, although she specified the colour of the shirt and that it was a golf shirt, which was correct - BUT "T's" brother was in hospital, he was not wearing clothes and had been in hospital for awhile so the clothes did not apply to him. Also that he did not have shoes on - well lying in a hospital bed, you wouldn't have shoes on. Since then someone, a Body Talk Therapist" told me that perhaps there was some connection between that woman's brother, her, Clint and I. I had also felt that their was some weird connection - the reason why I say she was in my life for a reason and a season. Not going down that road!!! I went back to this Spiritual Healer a lot since then, until I felt she knew me too well.

You may be wondering why I keep going back if I don't believe and doubt so much. Well I will be searching for answers for the rest of my life - for answers and a connection to Clint.

There was also a lot of doubt when I went on the 16th, but somethings made me believe. The one thing she asked is what is the story about the motorbikes. I asked present or past and she said present and I said, Clint died on a motorbike. I was a lot more open, thinking if I am there to get a message, I can't get it if I hold back and say nothing. She said it is definitely present - am I riding a bike? Have you ever!!! according to what she said - Clint thinks it is a very bad idea that Mark has started this business selling bikes. It is not going to go well - there is a lot of dishonesty and he is going to lose money - but I know that already. I do and there is and he is!!!! But Mark won't listen - never does and always gets screwed over and it is happening. Clint also knew that then. Can she read minds - maybe she can. Mark said it was a load of rubbish - I said if she had said it was a good idea then it would not be rubbish - He said well you never went there for that!!! True but still - take the warning and do something about it.

She also said Clint will definitely be with me this Christmas. Well Mark and I were fighting so much and it just got worse and worse on Christmas Eve. I was putting flowers in Clint's garden, doing them in the kitchen and Mark gave into the kitchen to throw something in the bin. Now that in itself was strange/weird/unheard of. Him getting up from the couch to throw something away. I felt this urge to go up to him; hug him and apologize. Weird - we hardly ever apologize, we fight - end up talking because we have to - move on fight over. Whether it is after an hour of fighting, a day, days on end or weeks. The urge was so strong, but I fought it, because for one I was not entirely to blame or entirely in the wrong - I never started it. This urge to apologize probably spanned a couple of minutes - maybe seconds, but felt like forever. Him hovering around the kitchen, me being almost pushed towards him to apologize - make friends. I was fighting myself - fighting the urge to say sorry. I knew we would talk to each other and be civil on Christmas day and not ruin it for Chad, so why say sorry when I was not entirely in the wrong and never started the war. It was the most powerful force and strangest feeling and I did. I went up to him, said please lets stop fighting, hugged him, sobbed and cried and apologized. He accepted my apology, but did not apologize to me, which I knew would not happen and after that I just could not stop crying. I carried on doing the flowers, crying, Chad came and hugged me and asked if I was OK and what was wrong, I sat in Clint's garden sobbing until a calm came over me. Was it Clinton telling me to be the better person, to stop fighting, to say sorry - that is what Clint would have done, it was so typical of him!! Was it my imagination - I don't know - I will never know!!

So am I going to carry on seeing Spiritual Healers - YES - most definitely - I will search for answers and for a connection to Clint forever and nothing and no one  will ever stop me.

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