Thursday, 29 December 2011

Without YOU.............

Who would have thought all those years ago, when life was simpler - tragedy free, heartache free, grief free; trauma free, the list goes on and on and on............., that I would be buying flowers and candles for my precious boy for Christmas at the age of 22. If you had told me that then I would never have believed it.....

My Sweet Little Boy

I would not have believed it when it was his last Christmas with us, I would not have believed it the day before he died; not the second before he took his last breath. I still cannot believe it almost 5 years later and it might be almost 5 years, but it feels like yesterday. The pain is still as fresh as the day he died, just real now.

Chad; Michael & Clint - Christmas 2006

Added to the guilt and tragedy, grief and sadness, I have very few photos of Clint when he was older. Tons and tons of when he was little. All in albums, the times before digital photography and social networks. Then he got older was less into posing for the camera, in fact he became camera shy, just like me and more accurately, before I realized that photos were so important. When we took photos of the scenery, of places of things on our holidays, instead of photos that would mean everything, photos that would be all I have left. Oh and of course the robbery we had, where they stole the few memories I did have.

Dec 2006

Now we are left with memories etched in our minds and flowers and candles and heartache and tears. Clinty you are missed more than words can describe. You have left a hole in our hearts, our lives, our every waking and sleeping moment. I love you my dearest sweetest angel.

Christmas Lights In Clint's Garden

Candy Cane Lights

Candy Cane Christmas Lights
The other day we went shopping and Mark saw these Christmas lights and bought them for Clint's garden. We all buy things for Clint, for his garden, in the hope that it makes us feel better, that he is still here with us. I know that wherever he may be, he appreciates what we do for him. I know that without having to go to Spiritual Healers, I know that because Clint was always grateful for everything he had, always appreciated everything he got and everything we did for him, no matter how small and he always looked after his stuff and took care of everything he had.

Candles Burning In His Garden

Christmas Eve

His Garden - Christmas Eve 2011

That is all I have left; that is all I can do for my precious special child. Light candles; place flowers in his room and his memorial garden and sit and cry in his garden and wish for just one thing, that I can turn back the clock to the day he had his accident. Just one wish that is all I ask for - that the day he died never happened. That my special good kind and loving boy was still here with us. Is that too much to wish for???

The Same Candle That Has Been Burning, Every Birthday, Christmas & Memorial Day

We Love & Miss YOU So Much CLINTY

No comments:

Post a Comment

I love hearing your thoughts, so let me know what you think about this

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...