Monday, 19 March 2012

A Glimpse Into Clint's Room

I spent the rest of the day cleaning Clint's room - Saturday, 17 March 2012. I have to put the date, because who knows when I get to post stuff, because of my internet problem. It was so dusty, because Sheila only surface cleans, so that she does not break anything or mess anything up. There are so many dust collectors in his room and I should do it more often, but it is very painful. When I did it every month it was all part of my grief, creating a shrine, but when that was taken away from me, it became very difficult. I do go in there all the time, but to touch each and everything is very difficult.

I just cannot bear to pack up his room. When Clint died, Chad wanted all his things and I said he must wait a year. When the first year was over he said "mom its a year now so can I have Clint's stuff now, only certain things he wanted like his land-rover and bikes and remote control car. What could I say, I had promised him - he took the stuff to his room, played with it and then put them back. He couldn't do it either. I have offered him Clint's clothes, because boys clothes don't go out of fashion and they are quicksilver, bad boy etc T-shirts, some brand new, hardly worn or never worn, but he won't have them. He can't wear them it is too painful for him too. His room will stay like it is forever. One of the reasons why I never want to move - how can I move Clint's stuff into a new room, but not have him in his room.

Model Land Rover
As I cleaned, I went down memory lane, thinking of each thing in his room. I decided to take photos of some of the things and am going to post them here, to always remember. It is strange how things just eventually break from age. No one touches anything, but they eventually break - disintegrate; die; break.

This cupboard below, Clint made in grade 8 and the technology teacher gave him a bad mark, because it was not sturdy. The supports were weak and I wish I could take the cupboard to her now and show her that the cupboard she said did not have a strong enough support, is still standing 8 and a half years later, holder up a speaker and full of stuff inside it. Only now is it starting to collapse, but for a tiny little cupboard, made by a 14 year old to withstand a speaker on it, whilst filled with other stuff, it has done remarkably well. I doubt that the teacher has ever made a cupboard in her entire life, but was qualified to teach and mark.

Clint's Cupboard He Made In Grade 8
 To say my child was crazy about motorbikes, is a complete understatement. His room was covered in bikes and pictures of bikes. All the posters are still up, I can't take them down. All the photos in his room, I put up after he died, other than that, his room is the same. Chad used to sneak into his room when he was at a friend and play with his motorbikes and no matter how carefully Chad put them back, Clint knew they had been moved. One day he said to me, he was sure Garfield jumped on his shelves and I asked why and he said, because when ever he came home, some of his bikes were out of place. I then caught Chad sneaking in and taking them, yet they both had the exact same bikes, except for the odd few. For about three years, they received the Mega Bike collection, two bikes every month, Chad never looked after them and for about a year I even put his away before even opening the package, so I could keep them until he was older, but he found them and broke them. Some of Clint's broke as well and others he did not like, he gave to Mark to put up at the workshop. After Clint died Mark gave them to the son of the motorbike mechanic who worked at the workshop. I was so angry and his excuse was that they were broken. Over the past 5 years more and more have just broken, with no one touching them.


Model Bikes


Below is a little plaque or box Dean made in memory of Clint. Over the years it has also just fallen apart and broken. I have put some of Clint’s bits and pieces in the box. 



Memorial Plaque Made By Dean



This is Clint’s damaged helmet. It took me a year or more to actually notice the damage from the accident and it is bad. When we brought his helmet home and I looked at it, I thought it was not damaged at all and was shocked that it was not damaged. I then put the cover over it and it stayed like that, until one day, I took it out and looked at it and then the shock at seeing the damage just broke my heart again. It brought back all the memories and pain of how injured Clint was. I think initially, I refused to see the damage, my brain blocked it out and I only saw what I wanted to see. Clint’s bike never came home. It first went to Clint’s friend Callum’s house. His dad was at the accident scene and then it went straight to Michael’s house. We gave it to Michael, because that is what Clint would have wanted and we did not want it at our house. We also thought it was hardly damaged, but Mark saw it about two years later at Michael’s house and it was not worth fixing. I don’t know what Michael did with it. He was going to sell off the parts that could be sold.

Clint's Helmet

After cleaning Clint’s room, I went to buy flowers. I know it is a day late, but I had to buy flowers, I could not go without putting flowers in his room and in his garden and I know Clint will understand why I could not do it yesterday.

Flowers

As usual, Garfield came running into his garden to join me whilst I was putting the vases down and then she and I sat in the garden, listening to the water trickle in the pond and the birds tweeting in the trees at peace with Clint’s memories, but filled with tears and sadness.

Garfield Sitting With Me

The rest of his things are in this slide show below. Memories and pictures of what is no more and what is now........







Again this is typed on word, because I lost internet connection once more. Half way through loading my photos for the slide show, so I have to start again, whenever my connection has coverage again.






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