Friday, 11 May 2012

Chad's Birthday

Chad will be turning 15 tomorrow, I cannot believe it, he is right smack into his teens and his moods prove it too. I still see him as 10 and admittedly he does look younger than he is and being short doesn't help, but I keep telling him that when he is 40, he will look 30 and how awesome that will be. I always looked younger than my actual age, until Clinty died, then I aged a year a day. Now I look much older than I am. Mark is five and a half years younger than me and it never mattered before, because he looked older than his age and I looked younger, so it balanced out. Now you can see without a doubt that I am older.

Chad Feb 2007
When I look back at photos, I can see Chad looks nothing like a 10 year old, he has grown and matured, but on a day to day basis, I don't see the growth and maturity. Somehow, I managed to get through his 10th birthday, which was just under 2 months after Clinty died. It was a total blur. He invited a couple of friends, about 10 and went to the botanical gardens and went on a mini-hike. Mark arranged most of it, which he had never done before, Chad even did the RSVP part of the party, so sweet and sad. My mom helped with hot dogs and stuff, but they never came to his little party, which must have really hurt Chad. He has never said as much, but I know it did. It was hard for everyone, extremely hard for me, but we had to acknowledge Chad's birthday and I know Clint would not have wanted Chad to not celebrate his birthday and I know that without even having the Spiritual Healer saying that he was very sad about it too. Well we got through Chad's birthday, Mark bought his present and did most of the stuff and Chad didn't even want a cake. He had a big party the year before, about 30 kids and Clint was so involved, helping with the clown and organising games and controlling the wild kids, all hyped up on sugar, ice cream and cake.
When one of Clint's friends Jade, heard that he didn't even have a cake for his birthday, she bought one and brought it later after we got back from the botanical gardens. It was really sweet of her. Some how that birthday was the easiest and all of them have been hard since. I think that is why Chad being 10 has just stuck in my mind. I was too numb to know what life would be like without Clint, I think we all were, especially Chad. Every year his birthday is a disaster. He is moody, angry and I think very guilty and he wants to be happy and celebrate, but the pain of not having Clint around is just too much for him. I am hoping this year will be better.

Chad Oct 2009

So yes, Chad has grown and matured,life has gone on, he isn't 10 any more and we have another birthday to celebrate marred with sadness, because Clinty isn't with us to share it.

Grade 9 - April 2012

He wasn't impressed with the photographer telling him how he must pose for his photos

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