Wednesday, 6 June 2012

My Sunshine

Today I was recording the petrol slips and I needed to know the Land-rover's registration number. Chad was at work with me and I called out to him to get it for me. The Land-rover normally parks in the carport and never gets used, but Mark has been using it lately, so that it does not just stand. Chad was sitting in Mark's office and Mark and I were in reception., both of them called out Clinty and I was in a trance like state, it was like I had ice cold water thrown in my face and at the same time an out of body experience, can't explain, but a weird feeling and it was more the shock and tone in both of their voices when they said Clinty. I was devastated, because the land-rover's registration plate is Clinty. I could not believe that I had forgotten totally what the registration was. Then it suddenly hit me that the other day, last week sometime, I had to do a slip for the Land-rover for the car wash and whilst I was filling in the slip, I said to the young girl from the car wash that  I cannot remember the Land-rover's registration number, I know it is DW something. I cannot believe that at no time between then and today that it never dawned on me that the registration was Clinty. To say I was devastated would be an understatement. I don't know what the girls from the car wash think, I don't know if Mark has told them about Clinty - I haven't. They have only been there for just over a month, so I don't know if they know. It is just something I cannot talk about any more, unless of course the person knows. I just can't do it, but to forget the registration number felt like forgetting Clint. They must wonder why or who Clinty is that we have that as the registration. The one girl did ask me whose land-rover it was and I told her it is ours - all our personal cars get a special rate, because we send all our customer's cars there, so they know it is ours. They met Chad for the first time this week and as far as I know they think we only have one child and if Mark has told them about Clint, they must think it very strange that I don't know the registration. I was so upset, not because they must think it is strange, but because I forgot. I was fighting back the tears and my day was completely destroyed - AGAIN.

Clint loved the Land-rover so much and he got upset whenever Mark said he was going to sell it.Whenever we went camping he slept in the roof top tent. He put it up himself without anyone helping, he had it down to a knack. Him and Mark used to go camping the real rough camping style with no showers etc and that was the camping Clint loved the most. The Land-rover is fully kitted out with a hot and cold showers, something called a "crapper" and the tent and a whole lot of other things. Chad and I stayed at home when they went roughing it.

Clint loved the caravan as well, but the land-rover was "his" when we went camping. We sold the caravan, because that was just standing there rotting, I could not face going camping every again. It was Clint's thing. Chad enjoyed it, but he is more a hotel kinda boy, Clint hated hotels and chalets, he was a real outdoor boy when it came to holidays.

In memory of Clint, Mark changed the registration number to Clinty - how I could forget is just too devastating and heartbreaking for me. Thankfully, Chad was at work and made me feel better and said mommy, don't worry it is just a number plate and you are very tired and stressed. He is such a precious child and the sunshine in my life and heart.

For the rest of the day, instead of studying, he spent it joking around and made me laugh. His infectious laugh and mischievous ways wiped away the sadness and grief I was feeling and I really don't know what I would do without him in my life. All I know is that I would not be alive if I did not have Chad to brighten my day and fill my heart with love.

I love you boy and always will!!!!

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