Tuesday, 28 May 2013

The Struggle Carries On

Today will be three weeks and three days without a cigarette. I did not plan my next post to follow on with the previous one of two weeks and two days, it just happened that way. Mark and Chad stay up watching absolute rubbish on TV at night and keep me awake or wake me up after I have fallen into a deep sleep and I cannot get back to sleep, which happened last night, so I am far too tired to work today. I also have what might be the start of conjunctivitis in my left eye, which is not only painful, but also very irritating. ........... And with all these irritations and frustrations, I have still managed to not touch a cigarette. I shock myself at times.

Its not easy and yesterday the cravings were so strong that I "forgot" that I had given up smoking and kept reaching for my cigarettes, then remembered that I had given up. I was so tempted to go and buy a loose cigarette from the shop and had to sternly talk myself out of it. Then just before I went home a customer came into reception and he had just had a cigarette and the smell was so disgusting. He was standing talking to Mark on the other side of the counter and I was sitting at my desk, but all I could smell was stale cigarette smoke and I wanted to puke. Now I know Chad was not just moaning for nothing - sorry boy!!!!.

Admittedly, some brands stink far more than others, but now I can smell straight away if someone smokes or not. When you smoke you really do not realize how strong and obvious the smell is. It is so strong and over powering for me at the moment, because the cravings are so bad, that I can even smell the stale cigarette smoke on service books of people who smoke in their cars. It is like WOW!!! I cannot believe it - it is like a real rude awakening and I never believed it when I smoked. I guess after 35 years of smoking, it is just so part of you that you know nothing else.

Strangely, I have not started coughing or had a sore throat, one of the side effects they say you get from not smoking. I have enough of all the others and all I can say is that you do NOT feel better as soon as you give up smoking. You feel terrible - no energy; tired; listless and above all awful. Doctors who have never smoked in their lives who tell you how much better you will feel as soon as you give up smoking, have NO idea what they are talking about and maybe if they gave the facts and not fantasy more people would quit permanently and not give up quitting, because of the terrible side effects. If you have not smoked then you actually have no idea what it is like to quit.

Perhaps I have not started coughing yet, because I spend most of my waking day breathing in car fumes, which believe you me is far worse than smoking and now I can say that as a non smoker too.

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