Monday, 22 July 2013

This and That

It's almost the end of the first month of the second half of the year - Now that was a mouthful!!!!
I haven't posted here for such a long time and no not because "maybe I started smoking again and was perhaps too embarrassed to step up and say so" - that is so far from the truth.

I haven't had time to blog have lost interest in my blog and every weekend I plan on updating it, but next thing it is Sunday evening and the weekend is over and all I have really done is sleep, sleep and sleep some more.

Giving up smoking is so over rated and it is all lies that you instantly have more energy and food tastes better and you feel so healthy. I have no energy, I am so tired and I guess smoking still controls my life - one of the main reasons why I gave up. The other being that Chad hated me smoking, so in the spirit of not messing up our mother and son relationship I gave up and what do you know, my relationship with Chad and Mark is worse than when I smoked. We fight constantly, I get into severe moods and flip over nothing. You guessed it - I am very tempted to start smoking again and boy the cravings are more intense now than ever before.

I don't exactly believe that smoking helps with stress or stops stress - I mean really a cigarette cannot take away your problems or help when your day goes horribly wrong or when other people are down right arrogant and rude etc. What I do believe it does - and it is hard to explain, but the way I see it is when you are pushed to boiling point or just aggravated and you smoke, lighting a cigarette and taking a draw, triggers a different thought pattern in your brain so the intensity of the situation changes direction and it is not the actual smoke that calmed you down but the change in the thought pattern. It makes sense in my mind, but doubt my explanation makes sense to anyone else. All I can say is that, I have not had a single puff on a cigarette since Saturday 4 May 2013 at 17h00 - my only cheat has been taking a deep breath when I smell cigarette smoke - not someone's second hand smoke, but the smell that lingers or floats into my office from someone smoking outside.

My blog has become a real give up smoking blog and I haven't meant it to be - it just proves how smoking is constantly on my mind and I do not feel healthier or fitter at all. I had the weirdest of things happen to me about two or three weeks ago. I was sleeping and it felt like someone was sitting on my chest squashing me, then I could not breathe at all as if someone was either suffocating me or strangling me. I know it was not a dream, because it was far too real, I was fighting for air. It was on the Saturday and by Monday, I was still feeling awful, struggling to breathe or out of breath, with terrible headaches and generally feeling ill. So Tuesday I went to the doctor. I had not been to her in over a year and that felt great, because I started feeling like a hypochondriac at one stage. And as doctor's visits go, I ended up having R3000.00's worth of blood tests and have high blood pressure; my cholesterol has gone up even higher than before and my thyroid antibodies need to be tested again in 6 months as there were some irregularities. The joys of giving up smoking after 35 years. The nursing sister taking my bloods was very concerned about my "hang nail"  because hang nail is a sign of lung disease and her 14 year old daughter has cystic fibrosis or I should say her daughter has cystic fibrosis and she is 14 so she is very aware of "hang nail" and looking out for lung disease worsening. I have always had nails that grow over like "hang nail" so it is not a cause for concern or the start of COPD. However saying that I was looking at my nails today and they are becoming more and more "hung" the older I get. They are also very dry.

My Very Dry Hang Nail

One good thing about giving up smoking, which is very strange, I don't feel the cold as much as I used to. Normally my skin burns and aches in Winter and no amount of creams or lotions stop the burning and dry skin. This Winter I have hardly used lotions and cream on my legs - being too tired in the mornings and getting up later and later, so just fly into the shower and fly out again - not literally of course.

Today when I took these photos, I had not put any hand cream on the whole day and yes my hands were starting to burn, but most Winters the more hand cream I put on the worse they get. Maybe it is not even the smoking - who knows, maybe I am getting older and just handle the cold better and the moisture in your skin improves as you get older, but I doubt it very much.

This is Garfield looking at me as if I am crazy - taking photos of my hands - I never take photos of myself and I am guessing she knows this as she was not happy with me.

Still on the No Smoking front and weird and strange things. One of the things they warn you about when giving up smoking is not to drink too much coffee - initially I drank a lot of coffee, but lately I have gone off it and neither coffee or chocolate tastes good or better "now that I don't smoke". My new best thing is Lays Lightly Salted Chips and they became my "go to" every time I craved a smoke, but now since I found out I have high blood pressure I have been trying cucumber slices instead of chips. We bought a Nescafe Alegria Coffee Machine in December and today was the first time I made myself a cup in the past month. I just have normal Ricoffy, but not nearly as much as I used to when I smoked.

The machine is really easy to use and makes Espresso; Cappuccino; Lattes; Americano's and a Long Black; maybe there is a  psychological block, seeing that my last cigarette was with a Cappuccino.

In other news Chad did very well at school and his report was much better than the end of last year - keep it up boy. He also goes to gym everyday during the week and does not miss a day. We went away last month, which I still need to post on my blog and he was initially angry, because he would miss gym on the Friday and Monday, but once we were there he enjoyed himself.

And a bit on our dogs, sorry Jingles and Pluto, I never take photos of the two of you - maybe because you are both always hidden under blankets, fast asleep. Sheila has a Saturday job with us cleaning the workshops, because she was looking for a Saturday job, anyway Saturday she was cleaning the office at the new workshop just down the road from our house. I went to let her out when she was finished and because it is just 2 minutes away, I never put Miss Piggy and Pluto in the bathroom, I decided they could stay outside, but Miss Piggy decided to jump into the car, so I took her with, then had to quickly run to the office to lock up whilst she was left in the car. I left all the windows open a bit, but still had to dash in case someone decided to smash the windows because of animal cruelty. I was away from the car for exactly 3 minutes. In those 3 minutes, she did not budge or move, she did not even look at Sheila when she got to the car to put stuff in the boot. I drove home and she refused to get out the car. I went back three or four times (with my door open and the hatch back open) but she just sat in the car. I left the kitchen door open and about 30 minutes later she waddled into the lounge, wiggling her little rump. She either thought she was in the bathroom and needed a sleep or she decided she had not been in the car for such a long time that she would make the most of it. She is such a cutey pie.

I still have not posted about Chad's birthday, our weekend away for father's day and our December holiday. I don't think I ever will. Here is Spike, Mark's lap dog sitting in his usual spot on top of Mark.

That's a great advert for Ford and we don't even drive a Ford :-D

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