Sunday, 6 October 2013

Five Months

This time five months ago I made myself a cappuccino, sat at the dining room table, took my last Dunhill Fine Cut Black out of the packet lit it and savored my very last cigarette. As I type this I can still taste it and crave it as if it was an hour ago.

Strictly speaking yesterday was five months. I had my last cigarette at 17h00 on the 4th of May, but
a) yesterday I was too busy at work to post about it and too tired last night and
b) it was a Saturday that I had an afternoon sleep, woke up and had my little final cigarette ritual.
So it would make sense to do my five month post today. I also had a sleep, then took Chad to the shops and then sat at the dining room table with a cup of coffee and a pie at almost 5pm. How unhealthy is that - a pie and coffee. Thanks to our weekend in Ballito, which you can read about over here my healthy eating habits, which you can read about over here - my four month no smoking post - are no more. I just cannot get back into eating healthy foods and keep eating junk. I keep saying tomorrow and as usual tomorrow never comes. My latest excuse is that it is Mark's birthday on Tuesday, so I will start on Wednesday. I am an excuse waiting to make up another excuse.

So I am sure you can understand why I am so proud of myself for giving up smoking for five months now and posting about each milestone of my non smoking journey. I never stick to anything - dieting; healthy eating; exercising; working smarter. Remember my Sevens List, which you can read about over here and here and here and here and here and here and here. I don't do goals and resolutions, because they don't work - not for me that is. The only time I ever made lists of changes/goals/resolutions was in this post. I got caught up in the moment and did not stick to it.


So I have managed to give up smoking and I am still so tired, I have slept through the last five months of my non smoking journey. I have no energy; my brain still feels groggy and stuffed with cotton wool. To such and extent that I type words like or instead of are, but am reading are, because the word should be are, even totally unrelated words; I could be meaning/thinking could, but I type something totally random. Read my blog and you will see what I mean - see all the typos; grammatical errors and spelling errors. I proof read and can read the same thing over and over and don't see the mistake. I actually watch myself type the wrong word, whilst reading the correct word. One day at work someone phoned for Mark and he was in the workshop so I put the person on hold and thought I would just quickly finish what I was doing and then walk through to the workshop and give him the phone. (The two phones in the workshop went on walk abouts never to be seen again so I can't transfer calls.  Two hours later my mother phoned on my cell and said there is a problem with our land line, they had been struggling to get through for hours. I have this hazy recollection of answering the phone and it was someone who really irritates me, but for the life of me I cannot remember who it is or if it did happen. It was like a very fuzzy dream. Last week I was also supposed to phone someone back and confirm a booking and I really cannot remember if I did phone them back or not. They never pitched so I am guessing I never phoned back or could be one of those people who don't have manners and don't cancel bookings. I am hoping for the latter.

I still miss smoking so much and could very easily start smoking again right now, right this minute. I am just procrastinating about it   :-D

I am happy that it does not control my life in the way that when we go away and stay in smoke free hotels/chalets I don't have to wake up in the morning and before I have wiped the sleep out of my eyes I grab clothes put them over my PJ's and creep down the stairs with bed hair, unbrushed teeth; unwashed face and step outside and smoke and smoke and fill my lungs to make up for the 8 or so smoke free hours from the night before, until I am all smoked out for the next 30 minutes. Long enough to shower; half make up done; dress and down the stairs to have another and another and another.

I am happy that I don't smell like smoke anymore. Truth be told I did not know that smoking smelt so bad eew. I figured out why this Winter I may not have felt the cold so much. I wore scarves for the first time and jackets (jackets I wore before), but always washed them after one wash. This Winter I tried the "wear it more than once" approach. To be honest I am not totally comfortable with wearing a scarf or jacket more than once without washing it, but I did because I was a non smoker - my clothes do not smell like smoke. I still don't get the whole "certain clothes can be worn more than once without being washed. I mean does the material shout "dirt stay off I am a jacket you can only get onto me on day three" Its like the three second germ rule. "germs back off for 3 seconds" when food falls on the floor. I don't get these rules, but I tried the jacket and scarf wearing without washing each time and was much warmer this Winter, because my clothes were not hanging on the line for days trying to get dry.

So I guess after five months I have found some good in giving up smoking.

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