Friday, 28 March 2014

Once An Addict Always An Addict - Ten Months And More

I am astounded that I have managed to stay smoke free for ten months and longer - I am just as astounded that the cravings have not subsided at all. In fact the cravings are as strong as when I stopped 10 months ago. This is the longest that I have gone without a cigarette. Yes I did smoke throughout my pregnancies and no I am not proud of the fact that I could have harmed my unborn babies and I am really fortunate that no harm came to them through my smoking. Whilst I am being tarred and feathered and burnt at the stake by the lynch mob of perfect mothers and people, I will point out that if we lived in a perfect world then babies and children would not die of natural and unnatural causes, life would be fair. Point two - The fact that smoking whilst pregnant is taboo, it did not harm my children at all, but a person who was employed at a hospital as a medical doctor was the direct cause of my child's death . I bet she is an advocate of no smoking whilst pregnant; yet she blatantly ignored a dying child because she did not feel like working late that night. Point three when I was pregnant with Clint and Chad there were no smoking laws. In fact when I was pregnant with Clint, reps from smoking companies still came around and gave away cartons of cigarettes. Yes can you believe that. I worked in the medical industry - medical aid to be more specific and reps would pop around every so often and give out cartons of smokes - how cool was that - for smokers. We could smoke anywhere. When I did my nursing training in the 80"s in a private hospital, patients lay in their beds in a general ward and smoked. - Wow how life has changed. Yes, these are just excuses, addicts are very good at coming up with excuses and yes, I am an addict, addicted to cigarettes and in hindsight, I should not have smoked whilst I was pregnant.

Only after giving up smoking do you realise that it is a disgusting smelly habit, and yes smokers, we are very inconsiderate to those around us. I always thought I was a relatively considerate smoker, but actually I was not, but what really gets to me is how most smokers just don't give a dam about blowing their smoke at other people and it is thanks to them that all the smoking laws came about. I have a very small office/reception area and I cannot tell you how many men walk in here and blow their smoke into my office. The other day I told someone not to smoke in my office and he said he is not smoking whilst smoke was billowing out of his mouth all over me. Mark just quietly smiles. It makes me so mad, because I gave up smoking because I could not smoke at work in my office, when I worked from home it was fine, but by law you cannot smoke in a public place, in a building; in an office - that is the reason why I gave up smoking and I have now earned the right to say do not smoke in my office.

Sweets My New Smokes

Most days I regret giving up smoking and am always so close to starting again. The only thing that stops me from lighting up again is the smell of stale smoke. Oh my word stale smoke is so disgusting, but the smell of a freshly lit decent cigarette is so good. Yes smokers the reason why ex-smokers complain about smokers smoking around them is because that lighting up smell makes it so tempting to light up again, even after ten months and yes non smokers, believe it or not you do get decent cigarettes and disgusting cigarettes. I mainly regret giving up because of my health and the fact that I am now eating even more unhealthily than before. I live on sweets, especially Wilson's boiled sweets. I absolutely love them and I always have this disgusting film across my throat, something I cannot explain and these sweets help - but only whilst they are in my mouth.

My Sweets Always On Hand

So just like my smokes were right next to me, so are my Wilson's Sweets now. Once and addict always an addict.

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