Saturday, 31 May 2014

When A Random Stranger Says You Look Very Tired


I need my sleep, I love my sleep and I have to have my sleep. Don't mess with my sleep, because I get raging mad if you do. The only time my mind stops is when I am asleep and even then it doesn't really stop, because my dreams are just an extension of my thoughts. Mark snores so badly and we have huge fights about his snoring, because it wakes me up. I even tried sleeping in Clint's room for awhile, but it does not feel right as it is his room and his bed. I just sleep on top of his bedding and cover myself with my gown, so it is not like actually sleeping in his room. It does not make for a good nights sleep though. After Clint died, from when we left that disgusting institution that caused his death, I went straight to his room and slept in his bed in one of his hoodies. I slept in his room and hardly came out of it for two months, until Mark angrily told me that Clint would not like me smoking in his room and all I did was lie in the room and make it stink like smoke and Clint definitely would not approve. That jolted me a bit, because Clint hated me smoking and I was not allowed in his room if I had a smoke and besides the smoking, teenage boys don't like their moms in their rooms, so I stopped sleeping in his room. I cleaned it up and never slept there again.

To now go and sleep in his room would not be right, so Mark's snoring keeps me a wake at night. If I get woken up, I don't fall asleep again. I lie there for hours going over why I dreamt what I did dream or I remember something I was supposed to do that day or the day before and I worry about it and worry and think about other stuff and then fall into a deep sleep 15 minutes before my alarm does off. I am tired and exhausted and my eyes just want to close all the time. I haven't had a four to five hour afternoon nap deep sleep for ages and need it. I just need to have a long long uninterrupted sleep and have even thought about getting sleeping tablets, but I won't do that. I just want to pass out for hours.

Passed Out

This is how passed out I want to be, with not a care in the world. We won't even go into just how Miss Piggy snores, but hers is a kind of gentle soothing snore, unlike Mark's that just drives me in sane - I keep telling him it is beyond normal and beyond snoring. So yes I am tired, I am fall over my own two feet constantly tired. Yesterday I went to Hypermarket, I had to buy micro-fibre cloths among other things and as I stood looking at the cloths to see which would be best suited for drying cars properly, my trolley was in the way of a lady trying to pass. I apologized, moved my trolley and turned my attention back to the cloths that required a huge amount of concentration and intelligence - not really but that is how I felt. I heard a voice that sounded as if it was travelling through a long tunnel and did not pay much attention. It was only the lady passing and myself in the aisle - I thought she was on the phone. She said something else and in my daze and concentration on buying the right cloths I realized that she was speaking to me. I acknowledged her and she said "Shame you look so tired... are you very tired?" I said "No why?" I mean who wants to confide in a complete stranger whilst out shopping about how tired you are. She said "Your eyes are so red... you look so tired" I just smiled and said that I wasn't tired.

For the rest of my time shopping it bugged me that a complete stranger, who mind you, looked much older than me would notice how tired I looked. It bugged me so much wondering if my eyes were that red, that my eyes started burning and watering to the point that I thought I might have an eye infection - my eyes were not red before I left home. The power of the mind!!! I asked Mark if my eyes were red when I got back to work - they were not red to me, he said they were. I just felt more tired after a stranger pointed out that I looked tired and bought a Lucozade - the only energy drink I will ever drink and felt much better.

I planned on going on a Green Smoothie detox, but just don't have the energy. I know I am more than likely anaemic again, I haven't taken iron supplements for ages. Iron supplements aggravate GERD and Nexiam caused Iron Deficiency Anaemia. Can you ever win. For the past week, I have tried to not eat any GERD causing foods and have made myself a Green Smoothie every night before my dinner. It looks absolutely disgusting - Baby Spinach Smoothie - YUCK"!!!! I thought I would have to force it down, but it really looks worse than it tastes. The first night I put a bit too much Ginger in though, so it was very gingery, but OK. The only problem is that straight after drinking it, my throat starts closing. It is a weird feeling. It does not close as in I can't breathe, but I become very hoarse. I think it might be the ginger causing the GERD, so need to stop using ginger. The Spinach (which I hate unless it is cooked in fresh cream and butter - no goodness in that) has to be full of iron and other nutrients and although it has not made a difference in five days, I am hoping it will help with my lethargy eventually.

Green Smoothie

The Smoothie Ingredients
Half Cup Baby Spinach - From Woolworths
1 Carrot
1 Banana
I Apple
5 Raspberries or Seasonal Berry
Tiny Bit Of Grated Ginger
1 Glass Water
Half Teaspoon Cinnamon
 Blend all together and drink - makes two glasses

It really does not taste as bad as it looks and contains 5 portions of fruit and veg for the day. I am trying to convince Mark and Chad to also have a glass every night, but they are not keen. At least then I would not have to worry about us all having our five portions of fruit and veg everyday











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