Friday, 9 May 2014

Who Am I - The Heartache Of A Bio...

We are babies, we are toddlers. We are children, we are pre-teens. We are teens we are tweens and then we are adults. We become mothers; fathers; parents. We are brothers; sisters siblings, aunts; uncles, cousins; nieces; nephews. When life happens as it should we become grandparents and great grandparents, for some even great great grandparents and the cycle ends. That is life- the circle of life - the way it is meant to pan out. During the cycle of life we are known as something other than our name. Then death happens - a child whose parents die are called orphans - yes even adults are known as adult orphans. When your spouse dies, you are a widow or a widower. What are you when your child dies????? It is unnatural - there is not even a name for it.

I will always be Clint's mother and he will always be my child, my son. The problem is when you meet someone and you are asked the inevitable question - do you have children/how many children. There are days that you just do not want to speak about it and people, you just don't want to speak to about your grief. Then there is the bio..........

Years ago, we did not have to worry about profiles and bio's. Biographies were books, not something random people worried about. What do you write??? This is one of my biggest stumbling blocks when it comes to updating my blog. Who am I? I am a mother and I am a broken grieving mother.

Living through the death of your child is the hardest thing anyone can do, the second hardest thing is writing your bio, writing your about page; introducing your family/life. Who am I? My child is dead, I am the mother of a dead beautiful boy. I did not lose my son, my son is not lost. I never left him in a shopping center, he never wandered off on his own - I will never get him back. My son is not lost. Dead is an ugly word, the death of a child even uglier. Clinton is not my late son either. I hate that "word" with a passion. How can anyone refer to a young boy as my late son. Clinton is my son - he is my dead son. It is ugly, it is terrible; it is wrong and unnatural. Writing "About Me/About Us" is heartbreaking; it is tragic; it is sad.
Who am I?
I am now a half  a mother - there is no name for the other half. The broken half.

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