Saturday, 27 September 2014

Goodbye My Trusty Old Friend......

"You were the one constant in our lives and now you are going..........".

This week has been a week of farewells and I was going to add them all to this post, but decided this goodbye deserves a post all of its own. I am not sure if it is age or just what life has thrown at me that has made me sentimental, but an old sentimental fool I am. I have never been upset about selling a car - its a car and it is time to go. The only time that I was upset about a car was when my trusty old Mazda was stolen, Yep stolen in broad day light outside Chad's swimming school on a busy road. I was upset because my car was stolen, I was not getting rid of it because it was time for it to go - big difference.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                

Today we are saying goodbye to our Landrover. I said my goodbyes earlier when Mark and Chad were fetching the purchaser from the airport. In this post over here, I said that we were selling the Landy, but the guy seems to be a Bertie Bull S#$tter, but he is here now, so it is real now and he is not a Bertie Bull S#$tter.  I said my goodbyes with a huge lump in my throat, gulping down my sobs. Although I was alone at home and should have let my tears and sobs flow freely, I have to admit that being attached to material things is not quite foreign to me, but I kind of find it wrong to be attached to inanimate objects.

There is just so much more to just saying goodbye to an old car. It is saying goodbye to Clinty all over again. It is saying goodbye to camping holidays; it is saying goodbye to days spent at the dam. It is saying goodbye to a very different lifestyle to what we have now. It is saying goodbye to a love of the outdoors; it is saying goodbye to so many memories - memories that will remain memories of old and will never be memories of new. I should have let the tears flow and the sobs become more than barely audible gasps. Even Garfield came out with me to the Landy - it is out of character for her - unless she thinks we are going away. She did have her moments of climbing on the bonnet of the Landrover and just sleeping on it sometimes. Maybe because it has always been here or maybe she senses Clinty nearby. They say cats are very spiritual and Garfield makes me believe that it is true.

I thought the Landy would be with us forever, I really believed that it would never be sold. I know it is not practical to keep it and Mark was offered much more than book value for it - it is worth more than book value, much more, but it is also worth more in sentimental value. Chad has accepted it now, ** but I still haven't, although initially I did agree on a practical level.

The overland trip through Africa will never happen.- that is someone else's trip now. Truth be told that was a real fantasy trip, because I camped in style and roughing it was Clint and Mark's thing, whilst Chad and I stayed at home. I was never going to do the back to basics trip across Africa, that dream belonged to Mark and Clint and that died when Clint died. It still does not make it easier to say goodbye.

There is still hope that we won't be seeing the back of the Landy just yet. The purchaser arrived whilst typing this post, now they are going on a long test drive. He has already paid the money over. He did the transfer on Thursday based on the info and photos and the understanding that the money will be refunded if he does not like the vehicle or it does not match up to the info and photos sent. The registration plates have to change, but I guess he will be driving off with the Clinty plates - I am not happy about that. They should have already been changed, but , because he was coming up from Ballito to look at the Landy and then leaving straight away if everything is in order, the plates could not be changed. I will arrange for my parents to get the Clinty plates and keep them for us.

So if you see a Landy with Clinty GP plates, you know it is ours and yes it has "balls". They are back from the drive and I am lying in bed typing this and yes I think it is Good Bye.

Goodbye my trusty friend and thank you for all the good memories, the holidays and always being so trustworthy and reliable. Always getting us to our destinations and back home again safely. Never letting us down on some very long trips, towing heavy loads, because camping in style meant bringing a second home with. Clint used to moan about all the stuff  I wanted to take with, but he always managed to pack everything in properly and safely. Yes, Clint did all the packing - in the Landy and the caravan. Long before Mark got home from work everything was packed and ready to go.

I have to accept that it is time to let go, because it will never be the same without Clinty anyway. We have never been on another holiday in the Landy since Clint died - well I haven't. Mark has been down to Ballito once I think when we had our business down there, but there have been no holidays.

"Farewell my trusty friend  - you have now gone onto a new life and I hope you are loved and cared for, but I know you will never be as loved as what our Clinty loved you."

** Chad has totally not accepted the sale of the Landrover and is so upset and so angry. Years and years of built up anger and hurt from Clint's death just came spewing out and today I believe has been the worst day of our lives since the day Clint died - since the funeral. In between the wrath and anger lashed out at Mark, it seems that Chad went along with the idea of selling the Landy, because like me, he thought it would never happen. It breaks my heart to see him so upset, because it is not about a car, it is about a life that we will never ever have again. The mind protects the heart from truth and reality, so although we know Clint will never come back - days like today just rip the band aid  protecting the wound right off and the pain is as sharp and as painful as ever.  Chad loved the Landy almost as much as Clint did and for him it was a reminder of happy times with his brother. (Updated Saturday the 27th at 16h20)

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