Thursday, 13 November 2014

Terms Of Endearment - Terms Of Enragement

I am a very private person, which is quite funny considering I am blurting this out on a very public forum. However, I don't post everything about my life here. I don't believe any blogger posts every detail of their lives on their blog or any other Social Network Platform. Some are more forthcoming and open and honest about every detail of their lives than the rest of us, but that is neither here nor there.

Through maturity  old age, I have realised that I am a very complex person and although I don't wear my heart on my sleeve and my feelings and emotions are very hard to gauge and I am not always forthcoming when it comes to how I am feeling, if I don't like someone and they don't know it, then they have to be very dense. I simply cannot hide feelings of anger and negativity. According to my therapist that I used to go to, anger is not an emotion - it is the result of an emotion. Why do you get angry - because you are upset, tired, irritated, hurt etc. I show the result of my emotions pretty blatantly, but not my actual emotions - I AM a private person.

I also believe love and the emotions around love and loving someone is and should be special. As much as we should love as opposed to hate in the world, for me love is still special and reserved for true love and not neighbourly love. I am an analytical person and there is no "grey" areas in my way of thinking. It is black or white - no in between, partially grey or maybe grey. You either love someone or like them or you are fond of them or have no meaningful attachment or emotion towards them......... and that brings me to the title of my post - "Terms of Endearment - Terms Of Enragement"

It bugs the hell out of me when people call me my love, my darling; my angel - I am not their love or angel or sweetie pie or any other term they use. One of the salesman at one of our suppliers calls me "My girly" I want to scream I am not your F%&#ing girly or darling or love. I do when I put down the phone and there are times that I hate Social Etiquette in the workplace or in business. Don't call me your love - I don't love you - you don't love me. Keep love out of it, or darling or angel or sweetie. Aargghh, it makes my blood boil. I am struggling with all sorts of stuff at work at the moment and Mark does not get the complexity of my personality and how "little" things like people calling me love and darling drive me insane and that if I do not like someone, I cannot hide my feelings.  Oh my word, don't even go down the path of when someone I dislike, calls me love or angel. I actually feel my blood and rage boiling inside of me and I have on more than one occasion told someone that I am not their love/darling/angel. It is demeaning in my opinion. Terms of endearment should be reserved for those that you do truly love.

My personal complexities aside - how does the person married to or in a relationship with someone who bandies words around like love; angel and darling, feel about being lumped in the same category as the person collecting their rubbish or a complete stranger who they will never see again; or the shop assistant ringing up their goods. Seriously, how do you call a random stranger, my love or my angel and then call the love of your life my darling or angel.

Am I just over analysing or should terms of endearment be limited to the sanctity of true love; to your child or partner/spouse.

And on that thought, I shall leave you. Have yourself a glorious Thursday. The sun has finally started shining in Johannesburg after the whole week of constant rain and that, in itself, has started to lift my spirits a bit.

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