Monday, 10 August 2015

Detox Diaries

Last weekend I decided to make pancakes - we were buying stuff for lunch and Mark bought whipped cream and I asked what he was going to do with whipped cream and he said strawberries and cream. Mark should never go shopping when he is hungry because he throws so much junk in the trolley it could feed a small country of starving children. I end up eating all that junk because I don't have a switch off button and he does. So we had these strawberries and cream and I thought pancakes would go down well. I have not made pancakes before, not the American breakfast pancakes I can and have made them but the real traditional South African pancakes. I thought how hard could it be. I make Roti and have perfected the art of making Roti. Pancakes are basically the same principle as Roti - it's dough in a pan. We had Roti with minced meat (ground beef) and potato curry the night before and it was so good. Mark asked me where I learned to make Roti - I said blogging - there is some good to my blogging, he couldn't argue with that. Chad loves pancakes and was so looking forward to having pancakes for Sunday brunch. I threw away four attempts before I asked him to try one, because if they were really bad I was not going to carry on - I was going to throw the whole lot away. He sugar-coated how bad they were. They were really bad and I threw the whole mixture away and swore I will never eat pancakes or attempt to make them again. I am not sure if it was because the recipe needed castor sugar which I didn't have so used normal granular sugar, but they were terrible. I mean how difficult could making pancakes be if people volunteer to feed pancakes to drunk teenagers at festivals and Matric Vac - I guess sometimes easy is difficult, because if the pancakes fed to the Matrics on vac were anything like mine, even the most out of it teen would not eat them.

Tasting those pancakes took me over the stodge edge and forced me to go on a detox and get back into healthy eating. I just haven't been able to get into healthy eating ever since we went away in June. I start a diet on Monday, Tuesday it is shaky and by Wednesday there is always an excuse and by the weekend I am eating all that junk and more that Mark dumped in the trolley. I started feeling ill and breathless. The look, texture and taste of the pancakes just made me determined to rid myself of the junk I have been consuming. On Monday, I started with my breakfast smoothie, still had my Nestle Cappuccinos, Cup a Soup for lunch and some cheese and soup for dinner. I was preparing for my detox on Thursday - there is no way I can start a detox on a Monday. I was planning on documenting my detox on my blog because it would make me accountable, but by Thursday night I was already starting to feel that giving up was a better option so gave blogging a miss. I decided that Cup a Soup certainly cannot be healthy because it is dehydrated and full off sodium and I would make my own with no salt.

I bought chunky vegetable soup greens from Woolies threw them in the slow cooker with a litre of water and asked Sheila to turn it on at 3. I arrived home from work and saw vegetables floating in water - Mark knows I can't make soup (see above easy is difficult) and said I should have put meat in it - soup has to have meat. Let it be noted Mark will never be a vegetarian - food is not food without meat. I told him I am detoxing and can't have meat and turned the slow cooker to high and let it cook until I went to bath at about 9. It was still vegetables swimming in water, but it smelt like vegetable soup. I turned off the slow cooker and decided to liquidize it in the morning. I was going to eat that soup come hell or high water.

I liquidized the soup put it in a container and it looked like soup. I then made my Juice for breakfast and lunch. I finally found Kale - this wonder food that everyone talks about and juices with. I did not look for it I found it by accident. Our local Woolworths, badly stocked as usual had no baby spinach only organic spinach and whilst I was rummaging through the greens I found a bunch of Kale wrapped up like a bouquet of flowers - this beautiful healthy piece of produce. I made my juice with the famous kale; strawberries; ice; apple and naartjie and gulped it down. It was gross but who said healthy was pleasant. My morning started with a glass of water, then hot lemon and water, a cup of green tea, no sugar and milk, then a cup of chamomile tea no sugar and milk and in between my Kale juice. All this in an hour - I was water logged!!

I sat at work with this bottle of Kale Juice in the fridge and the more I thought of the taste the more green I was becoming, but I was determined to stick to my detox. I went downstairs to fetch my green juice from the fridge and poured it into a polystyrene cup. I would be lying if I said I wasn't gagging. Waking up and swallowing a cup of Kale juice without thinking about it is one thing, but thinking about drinking it all morning and then having to drink it is a completely different thing. I won't lie it smelt good - like strawberry and apple. If something smells good it usually tastes good despite looking vile. It actually looked like I poured anti-freeze into a cup and if anyone saw it they would have been excused for thinking I was going to poison myself with the anti-freeze or maybe poison someone else. I was in a mood from having no caffeine. Truth be told anti-freeze would have been far tastier and better for me than Kale Juice. I threw it down the drain - I just could not drink it.

I am sorry to say, but Kale is nothing more than Moroga - traditional African spinach. Remember when the gogos (granny) used to pick wild spinach in the rural homelands and everyone looked down on the substandard spinach. Then one day someone decided that this substandard cheap spinach was full of health benefits and packaged it up in cellophane paper like a beautiful bouquet of flowers and sold it at Woolworths and everyone went wild on the Kale Crazy bandwagon - sorry not for me. I will stick to the "less" healthy but superior spinach - that is bad enough - how I miss my morning smoothie. I gave the Kale to Sheila and told her to make morogo with it and now I am sticking to ice, spinach; guava; apple, naartjie and strawberry juices.

I am happy to say that I am on day four of my detox and going strong. I keep thinking about faltering and falling off the wagon but then pull myself together after a stern self-telling off and carry on. I haven't had too many side effects. Last night I was feeling a bit shivery and light headed, but other than Thursday I haven't been feeling moody nor have I had headaches. I have been drinking ginger tea in between as well as Chamomile tea. When I first drank the ginger tea on Monday I tried it with milk and sweetener - that is gross in a cup, I thought it would be nice with lemon no sweetener, but on Thursday when I first had it with lemon it was like the vilest thing ever, but I don't mind it now, it is quite refreshing. The worst is my tasteless soup - no salt and the green tea. Green tea is too medicinal to taste good.

I know I am not juicing the correct way and I should use my juicing attachment on my Kenwood to get rid of the pulp, but life is far too instant to spend hours getting drops of juice out of a piece of fruit so I just juice it all up in my smoothie maker and juice with the pulp. Perhaps that is why I am not feeling the effects of the liquid diet. I did the same thing in December but without the soup and herbal teas and ate stir fry veggies some nights, but I was very light headed and fortunately I was at home and not at work - I would not have made it. The heat might have made it worse. I do have the white coated mouth, but other than that no adverse effects. I once went to a dietician who said when you lose weight the fat is eliminated through your pores as well as the obvious bodily secretions and through your breath, which is why you get a white coated tongue. Don't quote me because I don't know if there is any scientific evidence to this or if it was just her way of motivating her clients to stick to their diets and forget the effects it has on your body.

I am having a huge problem with drinking water and that is bad. I drink max three glasses of water a day and I force it down. Before I gave up smoking two litres of water was a breeze for me, I could easily do three of four litres if I went on a health binge and I drank as much water in Winter as in Summer - I can't since I gave up smoking.

Cheers to seven days of green health!!!

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