Wednesday, 29 June 2016

Goodbye Sunshine

No, I am not saying goodbye to Summer although it is the middle of Winter and days are dark and grey at times the sun is still blazing at midday. I am also not referring to my current life that is mostly grey and dull with far less sunshiny moments than I would care to admit, I said goodbye to those sun-filled days a long time ago. So what am I saying goodbye to?

Yesterday morning when I went to sort the laundry and uncover the birds, the little yellow budgie was sitting very still on the food bowl. At first glance, I thought she was dead. We have never confirmed her gender, but she has always been "she". I took a closer look and she was alive but looked a bit puffy and quiet. It is very cold now and even though they have thick blankets covering the cage, how warm can a cage get.

I checked again and she was up on the perch and then a bit later she was down by the food bowl and I had a feeling that she was going to die soon. I went on with my day and after work, I went to the cage and she was lying at the bottom dead. Chad said she looked peaceful, I am not sure that a bird can look peaceful in death but she did. Sunshine was no longer with us. Sadly she shares a cage with Sky our blue budgie and he seemed pretty distressed about his (also not confirmed a male) partner being dead.

I was quite upset about the budgie dying although I have never had a connection to them. It is sad when an animal dies, but it was more the significance of the budgies. When Clinty died, he had money in his bank account and I wasn't sure what to do with the money.I was going to buy a gift for Jenna, the girl he had  crush on forever and started dating, but I didn't and I am glad I didn't.

Clint used to have a budgie called Tommy Tucker when he was about 8 or 9. Tommy Tucker sadly died at the age of 5. Clint loved Tommy Tucker and so did Garfield.Chad looked after his teacher's budgie one December, a yellow budgie called Goldie and we often spoke about getting a budgie but never did as we procrastinated through life.

One day I thought I would surprise Chad and go buy two budgies with Clint's money and a cage. It was about a month or two after Clinty died. I thought it would cheer Chad up a bit and bring us a bit of happiness and sunshine. I bought a yellow budgie because Goldie (the teacher's budgie) was yellow and Chad liked Goldie. He wasn't impressed and wanted a blue budgie and didn't like the surprise. Chad had never liked surprises.

We went and looked for a blue budgie, but the bought another white budgie because we couldn't have three budgies, the blue one needed a partner. So we had Sky and Snowy and Sunshine and Ice. Ice and Snowy were confirmed females because they aid eggs. Ice became quite the egg laying machine but the eggs were never fertilised and she did not sit on them for long.

Sadly, she died on the 7 April 2010. At some stage Mark bought a big cage for the birds because he said it was cruel to have birds in a cage. Sky, Sushine and Snowy all lived in the big cage util Snowy started to look ill and was losing her feathers and we caught Sky and Sunshine attaching her so we separated them.

Snowy still cant fly and has lost her feathers again and nothing makes them grow. She has so much determination and just carries on with life. One day I watched her make her way from the bottom of her small cage to get to the piece of apple I put by the perch at the top of the cage. Such determination as she made her way without being able to fly.

Sunshine, Snowy and Ice were very young when we bought them, they were tiny and Sky looked a bit bigger and older. I bought them sometime between April and July 2007 just after Clinty died, they are nine years old or older.

Chad and I were just talking about how long we have had the for the other day and then Sunshine died. Nine years is a good age for a budgie, but it is still sad and I was feeling very sad about her death, I was feely more sad and grief stricken, because Clinty has been dead for 9 years - 9 years is such a long time yet it feels like the other day that our lives ended that our sunshine went behind a dark cloud.

I don't have many photos of Sunshine - these are photos from my blog. I am sure the other two budgies won't live much longer, especially Snowy. Mark and Chad think I shouldd put her with Sky in the big cage because he looks lonely, I will see how it goes and move her over the weekend.

The budgies never brought the Sunshine and Happiness to our lives that they were meant when I bought them with Clint's money. At the time and during the early stages of grief you try everything to fill the hole and soothe the pain, over time you com to realise that NOTHING eases the pain and fills the void.

The budgies just became another living creature that I had to care for and there may have been deep seated subconscious resentment on my part that I never grew attached to them, nowever saying that, using Clint's money to bring life and birdsong into the house was a good idea.

RIP Sunshine ...

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